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Parenting Wisely Newsletter
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In the essay below, learn Wise advice on dealing with teenager's independence struggles. Also featured: the complementary power of Children in the Middle Online, our newest divorce education program. Combine PW and CIM and tackle family conflict from all angles. ______________________________________________________________________________________________
Divorce Education just got easier. Are you dealing with a lot of single-parent families, families in their second or third marriage, or problems with step-parent step-child relationships? Parenting Wisely was designed to address the parenting skills necessary to positively interact with our children, but when new and unique issues arise by compounding an already difficult task with divorce or separation, more help is needed. To address the difficulties brought about by divorce and separation, we've created Children in the Middle Online (CIM). Like PW Online, CIM focuses on communication skills and family interactions. As with PW Online, it also is proven to reduce children's risk for behavior problems and substance abuse by teaching parents the skills to stay involved in a healthy way. Demonstrating the importance of role modeling maturity, emotional control, respectful communication, and consistency, CIM Online teaches parents to appropriately handle conflicts. There are very basic strategies that parents can implement to keep their children out of the middle of their disputes. Learning to cooperate, respectfully solve disputes, and confront each other with sensitivity, parents will no longer needlessly burden their children with additional emotional stress. Going through a divorce is extremely heartbreaking, aggravating, and
emotionally taxing for both parents and children. Wouldn't it be nice
to have a little help through this difficult process? Children and parents
alike will benefit from our brief, easy to use, online program. Devote
two hours to a program that can change a whole family's life. Research
has shown that use to the program reduces children's risk for behavioral
problems and substance abuse, reduces the likelihood that parents will
end up in court again, and reduces substance abuse in parents as well.
Check out a demo
today and see for yourself. Better communication and healthier interactions
are possible for all of us. Online programs allow administrators to track results, monitor user quiz results, and more. Upon completion of the program online completion certificates are emailed to agencies or judges of the users choice. In addition pre and post tests will soon be available to help track the effectiveness of the program and ensure grant support for the program. Please contact lombard@familyworksinc.com and request a free trial account. ___________________________________________________________________________________________
Independence? Once your children's idol, best friend, and confidant, recently, you have noticed a rift forming between you. Your children talk to you less and less and want to hang out with their friends instead. They often become embarrassed by your presence. Is this a sign that you are a bad parent? Or is it just a sign that you have a teenager in your home? Researchers tell us that most families experience an increased level of conflict and dissension as the children of the house enter into adolescence. The escalation of tension felt by parents as their children advance from childhood to young adulthood is not a rare phenomenon by any means. Struggles over independence inevitably lead to parent-child conflict, but as a parent there is much you can do to help your child safely establish his/her autonomy. While a disturbing prospect for some parents, it is important to recognize
that creating this independence is completely natural and necessary
for your child's growth. Teenagers will increasingly want to interact
with members of their own peer group - nothing personal parents. A peer
group provides teenagers with the opportunity to feel connected and
accepted while simultaneously offering them a sense of independence
as they break away from their parents' conception of who they should
be. Having open discussions about drugs and alcohol, sex and violence without fear of punishment is very important for your teen at this point in his/her life. Trust is crucial at this stage, if you hope for any dialogue with your children. Keep in mind that while you may wish to discourage experimentation with drugs and alcohol, painting them as purely evil, forbidden substances, will lose you credibility, especially if you use them yourself. If you share your honest opinion, however, when you talk about the downsides of these substances, it will be more believable to your teen. Your honesty in turn will encourage their honesty, and the more communication the better chance of avoiding dangerous situations. Teenagers will inevitably find trouble whether you watch their every move or let them run free on their own. How much trouble and how dangerous the consequences are factors that you, as a parent, need to address. One of the most important jobs of all parents with teenagers is defining a balance between the freedoms you allow your teen and the rules by which you expect him/her to live. The boundaries you establish must allow your teen a certain amount of manageable freedom. These boundaries are most easily accepted if created with your teen's input. Using a process called contracting, we can get our children involved in the rule setting process. Contracting is a structured form of communication that invites equal input from both parents and children as your family goes about the task of establishing boundaries, rules and freedoms. When you contract you and your teen will mutually decide upon behavioral expectations, as well as rewards for meeting these expectations and punishments for violating them. When the consequences are clearly stated and mutually agreed upon and when your teen feels that he/she has been a valid part of the decision-making process, it becomes much more likely that the rules will be followed. Combining open communication with contracting drastically increases
the positive impact you can have during this stage of your child's growth.
Balancing your desire to protect and shelter with their need to grow
and experience freedom will have long-lasting benefits. Teenagers are
difficult to manage, but by encouraging their growth and development
and by letting them learn from their mistakes, you will be able to remain
a positive influence in their lives and avoid being seen as someone
to fear and evade.
__________________________________________________________________________________________ Thanks for reading this quarters newsletter. |
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