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The Wise Parent

About The Wise Parent Series (CD-ROM) Vols. 1,2 & 3

This program is designed for use by parents-- to help them come up with effective strategies for dealing with many of the challenges of parenting teens and preteens-- in the privacy of their own home. We present new ideas for you to use in your family, and we also validate good methods you are currently using. If your child is not presenting many challenges currently, it is still important to practice the methods you see implemented here in case such challenges arise later.

The parent-child relationship and the co-parental relationships (if there is another adult in a parenting role) are improved and deepened by using this program. Although your children will leave home soon, this is a lifelong relationship.

These strategies lessen conflict, improve cooperation, and improve the quality of input parents need to have with their teens and preteens. Use of this program by your children will also be beneficial, and it will lead to good conversations and a better mutual understanding of the parent-child relationship. They can use it with or without you, but many families prefer using it together.

Practice the skills shown in any or all of these three programs by doing the exercises in the The Wise Parent Workbook. While many of these skills will feel awkward at first, practice will gradually eliminate the awkwardness. Use of these skills acts as a buffer to prevent or reduce several problems during adolescence: emotional and behavior problems, substance abuse, and school problems. The Wise Parent can be used as an individual CD-ROM ( Volumes One, Two and Three are described below) or as a complete 3 CD-ROM set .

The Wise Parent (CD-ROM) Volume One: Improving Compliance
    The three cases in this CD focus on situations where your child is doing something you want them to stop, either because it is bothering you or because you need them to do something in their area of personal responsibility. No one likes to be told what to do, so when parents ask their children to stop doing something they are enjoying, conflict often follows. However, if parents avoid asking their children to do things, they run the risk of the children not learning to be responsible. Resolving these challenges requires using the skills demonstrated in this program. Both parents and children need to show respect for each other, and to respond appropriately when disrespect is shown.

The Wise Parent (CD-ROM) Volume Two: Keeping Our Youth on Track.
    The three cases in this CD focus on the importance for parents of being aware of and involved in their children’s chores, homework, and peer activities. During a time when many parents are disengaging from these areas, it is tempting to join the crowd and let the teens have the freedom they desire. Many of us disengage to avoid conflict. In these cases, we suggest striking a balance between disengagement and over involvement. Our teens need guidance and caring from their parents. Talking together about these areas not only deepens understanding but also solves problems which arise. Firm (but not harsh) and predictable discipline that is fair is important to keeping appropriate boundaries between parent and child. Teens need to know what their parents’ expectations are and what will happen when they are violated. We encourage the use of a collaborative (between parents and children) approach to discipline when the children get older.

The Wise Parent (CD-ROM) Volume Three: Resolving Conflict.
    The three cases in this CD focus on methods for resolving the inevitable conflict arising among family members living together. From time to time, people do not treat each other with respect, because they are frustrated, thoughtless, or unaware of their impact on others. We demonstrate this conflict between a parent and child where the other parent is caught in the middle, between siblings, and between parents frustrated over how to handle children’s lack of responsibility. Respect can be re-established using communication skills, negotiation, and group problem solving. This program promotes reducing conflict by taking a more benign or positive view of the motives parents and children may have for their actions. It is important to give the other person the benefit of the doubt while working out a plan for dealing with future conflict.

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